Monday, December 10, 2007
Auntie Lee
i'm home again, pretty tired, but so glad that i made this trip. i flew to lincoln on thursday......the first plane was delayed than canceled, so i arrived over six hours later than i planned.
i checked into my motel and was surprised with a $30 reduction in the regular rate because i was visiting someone at the monarch. that was quite nice and how sensitive to recognize the necessity of family or friends being with those residents on this end of life journey. it was late enough when i arrived that i only spent a couple of hours there, then told her i'd see her in the morning. when i told her goodbye, she said "what time is it?" - little did i know that would be the only clear words i would hear her speak during my visit.
i was with her all day both friday and saturday altho i did go out for dinner with a friend on friday evening, and with our nephew and niece and their family on saturday. it was nice just to be with lee, to sit quietly or talk to her. she didn't speak although at times she seemed to be trying to form words. it was gratifying to see how many people cared about her, and showed that by coming to spend time with her. nader and joanne were there several times and i met joanne's daughter lisa for the first time. i'd heard about her forever so it was nice to meet her in person. steve and sue, and steve's sister susan who is lee's god daughter came to see her as did old friends mary and clyde. i reminded the latter that they had adopted our gerald and geraldine gerbil from us nearly 39 years ago for their son who was allergic to dogs and cats.
we all saw some attempts at smiles and it seemed that although she wasn't a speaking presence she was certainly a listening one. after dinner on saturday i stopped in to check on her, and met the night staff. it was obvious that things were changing and slowing down so i made sure they had my phone number, sat with her for a little bit and then went back to my room around 10:30. i had a rather lengthy phone call and i had been asleep for a couple of hours when they called to tell me she had passed away. i got up and got dressed and went back to her room and sat with her for awhile. it's so sad that she is gone and i will really miss her. we have spent a lot of time together recently, really over the past three years, but more so in the last six months.
lee and i talked so much about the way she wanted things to go for her. her determination was to live her life as she wished, she called it maintaining the quality of her life. she wanted to play bridge, go to lunch and dinner with friends and just be able to say YES when she had an invitation. it's truly amazing to me that she was able to do this for such an extended time. she always said that these last three plus years were the first when she really felt retired. she had no responsibilities other than herself. she lived those years to the hilt, and when it got to be too hard to manage on her own, she agreed to move to the monarch. i know that was a hard decision for her.....it was so final in her view, well in anyone's. they provide end of life care. that was what she needed, but such a hard thing for her to admit.
once she was there she was able to accept the care the hospice nurses had been wanting to give her. she enjoyed the nurses at monarch, made friends with some of the other women there, and loved having the meals prepared for her.
she has given us all a fabulous example of how to live and how to stop living. her wish when she could no longer maintain that quality of life she loved, was to just go to sleep and not wake up one morning. that is exactly what she did. she did exactly that on the morning of the day i was to fly home....i can't help but think she was able to orchestrate it just the way she'd done everything else these past years.
i checked into my motel and was surprised with a $30 reduction in the regular rate because i was visiting someone at the monarch. that was quite nice and how sensitive to recognize the necessity of family or friends being with those residents on this end of life journey. it was late enough when i arrived that i only spent a couple of hours there, then told her i'd see her in the morning. when i told her goodbye, she said "what time is it?" - little did i know that would be the only clear words i would hear her speak during my visit.
i was with her all day both friday and saturday altho i did go out for dinner with a friend on friday evening, and with our nephew and niece and their family on saturday. it was nice just to be with lee, to sit quietly or talk to her. she didn't speak although at times she seemed to be trying to form words. it was gratifying to see how many people cared about her, and showed that by coming to spend time with her. nader and joanne were there several times and i met joanne's daughter lisa for the first time. i'd heard about her forever so it was nice to meet her in person. steve and sue, and steve's sister susan who is lee's god daughter came to see her as did old friends mary and clyde. i reminded the latter that they had adopted our gerald and geraldine gerbil from us nearly 39 years ago for their son who was allergic to dogs and cats.
we all saw some attempts at smiles and it seemed that although she wasn't a speaking presence she was certainly a listening one. after dinner on saturday i stopped in to check on her, and met the night staff. it was obvious that things were changing and slowing down so i made sure they had my phone number, sat with her for a little bit and then went back to my room around 10:30. i had a rather lengthy phone call and i had been asleep for a couple of hours when they called to tell me she had passed away. i got up and got dressed and went back to her room and sat with her for awhile. it's so sad that she is gone and i will really miss her. we have spent a lot of time together recently, really over the past three years, but more so in the last six months.
lee and i talked so much about the way she wanted things to go for her. her determination was to live her life as she wished, she called it maintaining the quality of her life. she wanted to play bridge, go to lunch and dinner with friends and just be able to say YES when she had an invitation. it's truly amazing to me that she was able to do this for such an extended time. she always said that these last three plus years were the first when she really felt retired. she had no responsibilities other than herself. she lived those years to the hilt, and when it got to be too hard to manage on her own, she agreed to move to the monarch. i know that was a hard decision for her.....it was so final in her view, well in anyone's. they provide end of life care. that was what she needed, but such a hard thing for her to admit.
once she was there she was able to accept the care the hospice nurses had been wanting to give her. she enjoyed the nurses at monarch, made friends with some of the other women there, and loved having the meals prepared for her.
she has given us all a fabulous example of how to live and how to stop living. her wish when she could no longer maintain that quality of life she loved, was to just go to sleep and not wake up one morning. that is exactly what she did. she did exactly that on the morning of the day i was to fly home....i can't help but think she was able to orchestrate it just the way she'd done everything else these past years.
Labels: auntie lee
