Sunday, January 06, 2008
Getting there
i can hardly believe it's been a month between postings! i think it's been a busy month, so i will hang the blame right there!
when i returned from lincoln, i had busy-ness. notes to write, and bills to pay as well as trying to interpret the insurance world. the latter is one curvy road after another, and rarely is the news of good cheer. i am particularly irritated with one company that continued to take money way beyond the possible pay out allowed. the pay out was totally inadequate in today's world EVEN IF they deigned to pay fifteen cents. most of the others with whom i've dealt have been really nice, extremely cooperative and sympathetic to my loss. the latter is always a nice touch when dealing with this situation, and it's amazing to me how few people really get it even tho they deal in this area all the time.
i still have one bill to settle and then i think it's pretty well taken care of for now. there are always many things that need to be discontinued or people notified often accompanied by a death certificate. it's just a continuation of a journey i guess. i have spent a couple of days recently shredding papers. i think many people have difficulty deciding just what needs saving. in the last years of her life auntie dealt with doctors, prescriptions and illness, things she had avoided for over 90 years. she did an amazing job in figuring out what things meant, and asked pointed questions when she didn't understand. she'd never used her medicare or supplement benefits before and certainly never considered needing a medicare d policy. so many things new to her and definitely NOT the fun part. anyway, back to my ramble about shredding.....all the papers have critical info like her social security number, birthdate etc, so all those parts seemed worthy of meeting the shredder. i still have two or three boxes to go, but progress has been made.
it does help to feel that i am accomplishing something. i try to get something DONE each day.....figuring out what exactly a bill means may take several hours, but i do it! emptying the boxes, going back over bank statements to find any insurance policies or potential billing agencies i may have missed takes more time. i just found something in a bank statement that i need to check on in the morning.
the memorial still is not scheduled and i would like to get that settled very soon. the details are all in place, we just lack the date.....oh to be able to predict the weather in the midwest!!
of course the part i left out, was that when i returned from lincoln, i had christmas to plan, gifts to purchase and prepare for usps or whatever. i think i got that handled too and even mailed christmas cards before the holiday happened. patrick was here for christmas and that was a delight. we were all pretty lazy, ready, watching tv, visiting or whatever. very easy and just what the doctor ordered for don and i anyway. we were feeling decidedly pooped, so relaxation was a gift! we did manage to get out to dinner one evening and also went to see a georgia o'keefe show that was very interesting. it wasn't HUGE, just 42 pieces, but it was concerning her early experiments about abstraction, and was lovely as well as educational.
when i returned from lincoln, i had busy-ness. notes to write, and bills to pay as well as trying to interpret the insurance world. the latter is one curvy road after another, and rarely is the news of good cheer. i am particularly irritated with one company that continued to take money way beyond the possible pay out allowed. the pay out was totally inadequate in today's world EVEN IF they deigned to pay fifteen cents. most of the others with whom i've dealt have been really nice, extremely cooperative and sympathetic to my loss. the latter is always a nice touch when dealing with this situation, and it's amazing to me how few people really get it even tho they deal in this area all the time.
i still have one bill to settle and then i think it's pretty well taken care of for now. there are always many things that need to be discontinued or people notified often accompanied by a death certificate. it's just a continuation of a journey i guess. i have spent a couple of days recently shredding papers. i think many people have difficulty deciding just what needs saving. in the last years of her life auntie dealt with doctors, prescriptions and illness, things she had avoided for over 90 years. she did an amazing job in figuring out what things meant, and asked pointed questions when she didn't understand. she'd never used her medicare or supplement benefits before and certainly never considered needing a medicare d policy. so many things new to her and definitely NOT the fun part. anyway, back to my ramble about shredding.....all the papers have critical info like her social security number, birthdate etc, so all those parts seemed worthy of meeting the shredder. i still have two or three boxes to go, but progress has been made.
it does help to feel that i am accomplishing something. i try to get something DONE each day.....figuring out what exactly a bill means may take several hours, but i do it! emptying the boxes, going back over bank statements to find any insurance policies or potential billing agencies i may have missed takes more time. i just found something in a bank statement that i need to check on in the morning.
the memorial still is not scheduled and i would like to get that settled very soon. the details are all in place, we just lack the date.....oh to be able to predict the weather in the midwest!!
of course the part i left out, was that when i returned from lincoln, i had christmas to plan, gifts to purchase and prepare for usps or whatever. i think i got that handled too and even mailed christmas cards before the holiday happened. patrick was here for christmas and that was a delight. we were all pretty lazy, ready, watching tv, visiting or whatever. very easy and just what the doctor ordered for don and i anyway. we were feeling decidedly pooped, so relaxation was a gift! we did manage to get out to dinner one evening and also went to see a georgia o'keefe show that was very interesting. it wasn't HUGE, just 42 pieces, but it was concerning her early experiments about abstraction, and was lovely as well as educational.
Labels: auntie lee, christmas, georgia o
Monday, December 10, 2007
Auntie Lee
i'm home again, pretty tired, but so glad that i made this trip. i flew to lincoln on thursday......the first plane was delayed than canceled, so i arrived over six hours later than i planned.
i checked into my motel and was surprised with a $30 reduction in the regular rate because i was visiting someone at the monarch. that was quite nice and how sensitive to recognize the necessity of family or friends being with those residents on this end of life journey. it was late enough when i arrived that i only spent a couple of hours there, then told her i'd see her in the morning. when i told her goodbye, she said "what time is it?" - little did i know that would be the only clear words i would hear her speak during my visit.
i was with her all day both friday and saturday altho i did go out for dinner with a friend on friday evening, and with our nephew and niece and their family on saturday. it was nice just to be with lee, to sit quietly or talk to her. she didn't speak although at times she seemed to be trying to form words. it was gratifying to see how many people cared about her, and showed that by coming to spend time with her. nader and joanne were there several times and i met joanne's daughter lisa for the first time. i'd heard about her forever so it was nice to meet her in person. steve and sue, and steve's sister susan who is lee's god daughter came to see her as did old friends mary and clyde. i reminded the latter that they had adopted our gerald and geraldine gerbil from us nearly 39 years ago for their son who was allergic to dogs and cats.
we all saw some attempts at smiles and it seemed that although she wasn't a speaking presence she was certainly a listening one. after dinner on saturday i stopped in to check on her, and met the night staff. it was obvious that things were changing and slowing down so i made sure they had my phone number, sat with her for a little bit and then went back to my room around 10:30. i had a rather lengthy phone call and i had been asleep for a couple of hours when they called to tell me she had passed away. i got up and got dressed and went back to her room and sat with her for awhile. it's so sad that she is gone and i will really miss her. we have spent a lot of time together recently, really over the past three years, but more so in the last six months.
lee and i talked so much about the way she wanted things to go for her. her determination was to live her life as she wished, she called it maintaining the quality of her life. she wanted to play bridge, go to lunch and dinner with friends and just be able to say YES when she had an invitation. it's truly amazing to me that she was able to do this for such an extended time. she always said that these last three plus years were the first when she really felt retired. she had no responsibilities other than herself. she lived those years to the hilt, and when it got to be too hard to manage on her own, she agreed to move to the monarch. i know that was a hard decision for her.....it was so final in her view, well in anyone's. they provide end of life care. that was what she needed, but such a hard thing for her to admit.
once she was there she was able to accept the care the hospice nurses had been wanting to give her. she enjoyed the nurses at monarch, made friends with some of the other women there, and loved having the meals prepared for her.
she has given us all a fabulous example of how to live and how to stop living. her wish when she could no longer maintain that quality of life she loved, was to just go to sleep and not wake up one morning. that is exactly what she did. she did exactly that on the morning of the day i was to fly home....i can't help but think she was able to orchestrate it just the way she'd done everything else these past years.
i checked into my motel and was surprised with a $30 reduction in the regular rate because i was visiting someone at the monarch. that was quite nice and how sensitive to recognize the necessity of family or friends being with those residents on this end of life journey. it was late enough when i arrived that i only spent a couple of hours there, then told her i'd see her in the morning. when i told her goodbye, she said "what time is it?" - little did i know that would be the only clear words i would hear her speak during my visit.
i was with her all day both friday and saturday altho i did go out for dinner with a friend on friday evening, and with our nephew and niece and their family on saturday. it was nice just to be with lee, to sit quietly or talk to her. she didn't speak although at times she seemed to be trying to form words. it was gratifying to see how many people cared about her, and showed that by coming to spend time with her. nader and joanne were there several times and i met joanne's daughter lisa for the first time. i'd heard about her forever so it was nice to meet her in person. steve and sue, and steve's sister susan who is lee's god daughter came to see her as did old friends mary and clyde. i reminded the latter that they had adopted our gerald and geraldine gerbil from us nearly 39 years ago for their son who was allergic to dogs and cats.
we all saw some attempts at smiles and it seemed that although she wasn't a speaking presence she was certainly a listening one. after dinner on saturday i stopped in to check on her, and met the night staff. it was obvious that things were changing and slowing down so i made sure they had my phone number, sat with her for a little bit and then went back to my room around 10:30. i had a rather lengthy phone call and i had been asleep for a couple of hours when they called to tell me she had passed away. i got up and got dressed and went back to her room and sat with her for awhile. it's so sad that she is gone and i will really miss her. we have spent a lot of time together recently, really over the past three years, but more so in the last six months.
lee and i talked so much about the way she wanted things to go for her. her determination was to live her life as she wished, she called it maintaining the quality of her life. she wanted to play bridge, go to lunch and dinner with friends and just be able to say YES when she had an invitation. it's truly amazing to me that she was able to do this for such an extended time. she always said that these last three plus years were the first when she really felt retired. she had no responsibilities other than herself. she lived those years to the hilt, and when it got to be too hard to manage on her own, she agreed to move to the monarch. i know that was a hard decision for her.....it was so final in her view, well in anyone's. they provide end of life care. that was what she needed, but such a hard thing for her to admit.
once she was there she was able to accept the care the hospice nurses had been wanting to give her. she enjoyed the nurses at monarch, made friends with some of the other women there, and loved having the meals prepared for her.
she has given us all a fabulous example of how to live and how to stop living. her wish when she could no longer maintain that quality of life she loved, was to just go to sleep and not wake up one morning. that is exactly what she did. she did exactly that on the morning of the day i was to fly home....i can't help but think she was able to orchestrate it just the way she'd done everything else these past years.
Labels: auntie lee
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A busy two weeks!
wow, it's been an active two weeks around here. i returned from san francisco, had some training meetings prior to and then worked as an election judge....a 15.5 hour day. i may be getting too old for this! those hours about did me in. i remember working an extra 8 hour shift in my youth....that was long, but this seemed endless! it could be that 6am start.....not in my reality anymore!
two days later we drove to nebraska to see auntie lee and to clear her apartment. that was a lot of work, but it actually was less that we expected. when i unlocked her door there was a note on the floor from one of her neighbors. she said her granddaughter had rented her first apt and if we wanted to sell anything they might be interested in buying. i talked to lee about it and we decided that if they wanted anything we would give it to them as we'd been thinking goodwill. in fact i had scheduled a goodwill pickup for tuesday morning. they were willing to pick up things that wouldn't fit in a car like furniture, and if you had those things would take the other stuff too.
i told elaine our thoughts, she was excited and contacted her daughter who said she would come with her boyfriend to pick up things on sunday. we worked hard on friday, sorting, throwing away, bagging for goodwill, and boxing some things. more was accomplished that we thought possible and we were pleased with the start. we continued into the evening, and then on saturday morning we moved the boxes and bags into lee's bedroom so we could have a bit of space in the living room and also we could see what would be going where.
our friends dick and judy drove over from omaha and brought our dinner. dick had been to the ksu game....probably the best game of the year, and judy drove to lincoln before the game was over so she could avoid the post-game traffic mess. it was great to see them and have a visit without boxes etc in the way. needless to say having a dinner delivered was absolutely fabulous!
we did some more sorting the next morning, then had sunday dinner with lee. it was like thanksgiving.....turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy. good stuff. even orange jello with mandarin oranges.....took us back a few years! it was all delicious and we could see why lee raves about the food. we hurried home so we could be there to greet elaine's daughter lori and her boyfriend jim who arrived with his pickup truck. they were able to take several pieces of furniture, but not all of it, so there was a plan to return on monday. lori and her friend paula arrived that day with a mini moving truck and were able to tuck everything else into the vehicle. lori reported that her daughter kristyn had seen the stuff in her garage the night before and was blown away by the idea that she was seeing about 1/3 of the total haul. kristyn will be working her way through nursing school....paying her own way, so both lee and i thought it felt pretty good to be able to lend a hand. lee has been independent and supported herself since graduating high school, so she knew her situation first hand!
our nephew david helped out be taking a couple of things home with him that we couldn't stuff into our little car. now this guarantees that we will be going to visit them the next time we're in nebraska! union college took a few things that were left as they have a lot of foreign students who arrive with nothing but their clothing, and then live in apartments and need furniture and other household goods. needless to say, i canceled our appointment with goodwill and we delivered the few bags that were appropriate to a nearby outlet.
of course we got a later start than planned, but we still arrived home before 7pm. as a special treat, elaine volunteered to clean lee's place as thanks for our giving kristyn a good start when she moves into her apartment. that certainly helped us get out earlier than we would have otherwise. we were weary, but felt we'd done good work and had accomplished all our goals.
it was nice to be able to drop in on lee - often more than once a day. we didn't see her saturday, but we had visits every other day. we left feeling secure that she's one more time made the right decision at the right time. she has set a great example for all of us!
two days later we drove to nebraska to see auntie lee and to clear her apartment. that was a lot of work, but it actually was less that we expected. when i unlocked her door there was a note on the floor from one of her neighbors. she said her granddaughter had rented her first apt and if we wanted to sell anything they might be interested in buying. i talked to lee about it and we decided that if they wanted anything we would give it to them as we'd been thinking goodwill. in fact i had scheduled a goodwill pickup for tuesday morning. they were willing to pick up things that wouldn't fit in a car like furniture, and if you had those things would take the other stuff too.
i told elaine our thoughts, she was excited and contacted her daughter who said she would come with her boyfriend to pick up things on sunday. we worked hard on friday, sorting, throwing away, bagging for goodwill, and boxing some things. more was accomplished that we thought possible and we were pleased with the start. we continued into the evening, and then on saturday morning we moved the boxes and bags into lee's bedroom so we could have a bit of space in the living room and also we could see what would be going where.
our friends dick and judy drove over from omaha and brought our dinner. dick had been to the ksu game....probably the best game of the year, and judy drove to lincoln before the game was over so she could avoid the post-game traffic mess. it was great to see them and have a visit without boxes etc in the way. needless to say having a dinner delivered was absolutely fabulous!
we did some more sorting the next morning, then had sunday dinner with lee. it was like thanksgiving.....turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy. good stuff. even orange jello with mandarin oranges.....took us back a few years! it was all delicious and we could see why lee raves about the food. we hurried home so we could be there to greet elaine's daughter lori and her boyfriend jim who arrived with his pickup truck. they were able to take several pieces of furniture, but not all of it, so there was a plan to return on monday. lori and her friend paula arrived that day with a mini moving truck and were able to tuck everything else into the vehicle. lori reported that her daughter kristyn had seen the stuff in her garage the night before and was blown away by the idea that she was seeing about 1/3 of the total haul. kristyn will be working her way through nursing school....paying her own way, so both lee and i thought it felt pretty good to be able to lend a hand. lee has been independent and supported herself since graduating high school, so she knew her situation first hand!
our nephew david helped out be taking a couple of things home with him that we couldn't stuff into our little car. now this guarantees that we will be going to visit them the next time we're in nebraska! union college took a few things that were left as they have a lot of foreign students who arrive with nothing but their clothing, and then live in apartments and need furniture and other household goods. needless to say, i canceled our appointment with goodwill and we delivered the few bags that were appropriate to a nearby outlet.
of course we got a later start than planned, but we still arrived home before 7pm. as a special treat, elaine volunteered to clean lee's place as thanks for our giving kristyn a good start when she moves into her apartment. that certainly helped us get out earlier than we would have otherwise. we were weary, but felt we'd done good work and had accomplished all our goals.
it was nice to be able to drop in on lee - often more than once a day. we didn't see her saturday, but we had visits every other day. we left feeling secure that she's one more time made the right decision at the right time. she has set a great example for all of us!
Labels: auntie lee, busy, cleaning, great example
Thursday, October 04, 2007
More Auntie Lee
i decided to add this picture too. it was auntie lee's favorite, so it only seems right. i was with her for 5 days, and it was good.
Labels: auntie lee
Auntie Lee
my cousin kevin and his son jack joined auntie and i for some valentino's pizza on saturday night. they had driven in from kansas city to attend the nebraska/iowa state football game. they both had a bit of sunburn from sitting in some excellent seats on the east side of the field. auntie loved having them there and it was a great time. i hadn't seen kevin in a long time and never met jack....he is a charmer, like his grandpa jack....my fave uncle!
the other picture is one of my poor attempts to take my own picture with auntie lee. i always seem to end up looking a bit goofy, but auntie came out like a champ. things are getting harder for her, but she is trying to stay in her own home as long as possible. she is pretty amazing, and you have to commend her for her efforts.
we really had a good time, and i got a few things accomplished that should keep her going for awhile. i told her i'd be back, and i will be.
Labels: auntie lee
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Five days with my Auntie Lee
i just returned from 5 days in lincoln with my auntie lee. she was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3+ years ago and she has been actively maintaining her "quality of life" just like she stated she wished to do. it has been becoming more difficult and she has confessed that she is just exhausted after a simple outing, and more than exhausted after an afternoon of bridge with her friends.
the photo was taken with my cellphone, and i actually figured out how to get into a file on the computer so i could use it today. sarah sent a photo on thursday evening, and then lee and i texted her and sent a couple of photos. she got a big charge out of that.....couldn't believe it was possible!
she has been asking me when i would visit again and i promised to come in august. she suggested that i should stay with her. this was unusual....i stayed once when taking pat back to university, and 3+ years ago when lee and her sister vi were in the hospital. so, i knew this was a special invitation/request. so i drove to omaha on sunday and then on to lincoln on monday. we had a good time. there were no demands on either of us. we made one outing for breakfast at her fave place where she downed 2 eggs, 4 pancakes with maple syrup, 3 pieces of bacon and hashbrowns. she has a good appetite when food is easily available. cooking is an issue, altho she fixes herself an occasional egg, gets breakfast cereal, drinks lots of oj and always has a stock of ice cream. one night i fixed us some fried gizzards and mashed potatoes. we had a big laugh about that as we were in a storm warning, and she decided she could not go to the basement for shelter, so we located pillows and blankets and decided the bathroom would do. i told her she could have the throne and i would get the chair in the tub and the laugh was that if the worst happened, we could go happy after such a grand meal. :)
other than that breakfast, she stayed in.....was too tired, just didn't feel well or some other reason. she is taking lots of naps....some for several hours. i got to meet her favorite nurse jackie on thursday and she is a good one. they obviously like eachother and have a great rapport. jackie is able to say things that i would have difficulty with and lee listens.
when i left on friday, she wanted me to stay and it was hard to leave. i talked with her friend at the apt complex and she is going to check daily and call me if she thinks things are changing. i will call her if i can't reach lee by phone or if i am concerned after talking to lee. i am planning to return soon and will call more frequently so i can try to ascertain what is happening. i have asked that the nurses call me after each visit, and hopefully all these things will help us to assess her needs. last evening when we talked i mentioned the hospice facility and she said she is thinking positively about it. i suggested that the next time there is a bed it seemed like it was time for her to take it. she accepted that, but i know it is difficult. that will be a big step, but a necessary one for her to take. this is not easy for us....one step at a time. i hope i am helping her along the way, and i try to let her make the decisions, but i'm afraid that her safety is at risk, and we may need to push soon. being a grown up sucks sometimes.
Labels: auntie lee
